Facebook Boy and His Ex-Girlfriend

On Facebook...

FB: (on his ex-girlfriend, Stephanie's wall) Wow! Hey, how's it going Steph? Long time no see, eh?

X-G: (on FB's wall) Yeah, I know! It's looks like you are doing great! Law school?! And from your photos your condo looks awesome! Have you been working out?

FB: (wall-to-wall) Yeah, life's been good to me... I took up tennis and I joined the gym here at UofT. You're still in Halifax I see...

X-G: (wall-to-wall) Yeah, maybe I'll give you a call if I ever go to Toronto in the future.

FB: (wall-to-wall) Sure... I'd love to catch up!

A few weeks pass and X-G is pleasantly surprised to see that the high school boyfriend she broke up with so long ago now seems to be pretty cool. He's in law school, he has over 300 friends on Facebook, he's president of several clubs at UofT, he's had some articles published and he's looking, well, pretty buff, in his Facebook photos. And to think, she almost hadn't accepted him as her "friend"...

X-G: (wall-to-wall) Hey guess what?! I'm in Toronto right now! I'm at a Second Cup on Yonge Street. Surprise! So wanna meet?

FB: (wall-to-wall) oh wow! That's great! I'm a little busy this week. How long are you in town for?

X-G: (wall-to-wall) Actually I'm here for two weeks visiting my aunt. You must have some spare time to catch up in the next two weeks? I can meet you for dinner or something. It'll be fun!

FB: (wall-to-wall) Ok, how about tomorrow?

X-G: (wall-to-wall) Sure... just send me your address and I'll meet you at 5 tomorrow.

The next day, X-G shows up at FB's front door. "This can't be right," she thinks, "this is such a bad neighbourhood." She knocks on the door anyway...

FB: Oh hi Steph how's it going?

X-G: Hi.

X-G was expecting to see the buff looking version of her old high school boyfriend from the photos he'd posted on Facebook. Instead what stood before her was a balding, overweight, pasty version of her ex. His t-shirt had grey stains creeping out from under his arms and his stomach rested over the wasteband of his jeans.

FB: Nice to see you again.

X-G: You don't look anything like you do in your Facebook photos.

FB: Come on Steph. Everyone knows that you're only supposed to post the best pictures of yourself. Those photos were taken a year ago when I was working out everyday. Anyways, come on, I made reservations.

They walk to a nearby Italian restaurant.

X-G: Great, I'm starving.

FB: Hey Jake! Can we get some menus over here?

X-G: You come here often?

FB: Well, yeah I guess you could say that. I work here.

X-G: Oh. So you're a part-time waiter, like in-between classes and whatnot?

FB: Well, not exactly. I'm mostly just washing dishes right now, but they let me serve once in a while...

X-G: But you must not work much since you have to study and go to class all the time.

FB: Well, I'm not really going to classes so much lately. I was just sort of volunteering at UofT...

X-G: Volunteering as a student? Come on, what are you talking about? On Facebook-

FB: (cuts her off) Forget Facebook! Facebook isn't real! It's just a cybereality that people use in order to portray themselves a certain way so that everyone will think they are doing just great when the truth is... The truth is the real world sucks. Everyone just cultivates their Facebook profile to look like they are just fine and dandy, but come on Steph; UofT? Law? you didn't really think I was... You know what? Let's just go!

X-G: Wait a minute! Geez! Let's talk about this!

FB abruptly gets up from his seat, his large belly jerking the table upward as it catches the under-edge. He storms out of the restaurant, red in the face. X-G gets up and runs after him. They decide to go their separate ways.

Two weeks later, on Facebook, X-G considers removing FB from her list of friends. After a few moments she decides not to. Maybe it's out of pity, maybe she doesn't know why, but in any case, X-G decides that if Facebook is the only place for FB to perpetuate a fantasy cybereality, then she is not going to be the one to interfere.