I love you, but I can't say it with words. I mean I can't say how much.
So. I don't know what you mean.
You know. I just love you so much I cry about it. But no matter how I try to say it, you'll never understand.
Well I can't understand if you don't try.
Nothing I say can work as well as telling you with my body.
Oh. Body language. You want to dance your love for me?
But the sad thing is that I don't even know if that will work.
I still don't really understand.
... It's like, it's like if you have to, you know, export something.
ok. mm hmm.
Like if you are trying to export some kind of document into a word format or something.
Ok. Yes. I'm beginning to understand. So you want to export the contents of something onto a new format.
Yes, except the contents are my heart and feelings and the essence of my soul, and the format is words. So my heart is the document and my words are word.
I got it! Great, so we understand each other now.
No. I mean, sometimes there are problems and everything doesn't export the right way. Like some info is lost. So that's what I'm afraid of if I try to give you my heart. Like you'll not get all of it. Or you won't understand it.
I see.
So that's why I can't tell you how I feel.
Did you try PDF? It's almost always flawless.
No. ... Just kiss me.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Whoiswho and Imlosingtrack
He doesn't know which is which.
so you want him to guess?
yeah.
and then no matter what he says, you want to pretend he's wrong?
or if he really is wrong, it won't be pretending.
i guess.
i spoke to him on the phone.
should we disguise our voices?
no. just don't say anything.
and then who will pay? should we let him?
no. you'll pay.
ok. but what if he gets something really expensive?
you'll still pay.
what. do you want me to say, oh hey, just a sec while i go home and make a transfer online?
no. just pay with a credit card.
oh.
what do we ask him?
the weirder the better. like if he could do anything with a belt besides wear it, what would he do.
ok.
let's go.
ok.
so you want him to guess?
yeah.
and then no matter what he says, you want to pretend he's wrong?
or if he really is wrong, it won't be pretending.
i guess.
i spoke to him on the phone.
should we disguise our voices?
no. just don't say anything.
and then who will pay? should we let him?
no. you'll pay.
ok. but what if he gets something really expensive?
you'll still pay.
what. do you want me to say, oh hey, just a sec while i go home and make a transfer online?
no. just pay with a credit card.
oh.
what do we ask him?
the weirder the better. like if he could do anything with a belt besides wear it, what would he do.
ok.
let's go.
ok.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
story boys and some girls
And george said to matt
And matt said to George
And tom and beth and mary and sarah and bob
And george said to matt
Hey matt
I’m just a character in a story
And matt said
Fuck.
Books these days, man.
And george said
I know.
And matt said to George
And tom and beth and mary and sarah and bob
And george said to matt
Hey matt
I’m just a character in a story
And matt said
Fuck.
Books these days, man.
And george said
I know.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
French Canadian and Canadian
C: You know what I hate about French Canadians?
FC: What?
C: They are always stereotyping ethnic minorities.
FC: !
FC: What?
C: They are always stereotyping ethnic minorities.
FC: !
Friday, September 14, 2007
Quebecer and Rest-of-Canadian
R-O-C: You Quebecers are such complainers. We give you an inch, you take a mile.
Q: How so?
R-O-C: Well don't you even realize that we are making an effort to preserve French as one of the official languages in Canada?
Q: Hmmm...
R-O-C: Not only that, but even the Acadians are making a new language that is half English, half French...
Q: What language is that?
R-O-C: Frenglish.
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: What, you never heard of it before?
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: Are you mad because the word "Frenglish" has the entire word "English" in it and only two letters from the word "French"? Jeez, you Quebecers always want more recognition, eh?
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: Well what would you prefer we call it? ... "Ench"?
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: Well that's just rediculous! "Ench"?! It doesn't even make sense. That's what will make you happy?
Q: No.
R-O-C: Well, "Frenglish" as a combination of "French" and "English" sounds more like "English", so "Ench" as a combination of "English" and "French" sounds more like "French"... What more could you want? What would you call it?
Q: Hmmm.
R-O-C: Well?
Q: "Franglais".
Q: How so?
R-O-C: Well don't you even realize that we are making an effort to preserve French as one of the official languages in Canada?
Q: Hmmm...
R-O-C: Not only that, but even the Acadians are making a new language that is half English, half French...
Q: What language is that?
R-O-C: Frenglish.
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: What, you never heard of it before?
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: Are you mad because the word "Frenglish" has the entire word "English" in it and only two letters from the word "French"? Jeez, you Quebecers always want more recognition, eh?
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: Well what would you prefer we call it? ... "Ench"?
Q: (silence)
R-O-C: Well that's just rediculous! "Ench"?! It doesn't even make sense. That's what will make you happy?
Q: No.
R-O-C: Well, "Frenglish" as a combination of "French" and "English" sounds more like "English", so "Ench" as a combination of "English" and "French" sounds more like "French"... What more could you want? What would you call it?
Q: Hmmm.
R-O-C: Well?
Q: "Franglais".
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Facebook Boy and His Ex-Girlfriend
On Facebook...
FB: (on his ex-girlfriend, Stephanie's wall) Wow! Hey, how's it going Steph? Long time no see, eh?
X-G: (on FB's wall) Yeah, I know! It's looks like you are doing great! Law school?! And from your photos your condo looks awesome! Have you been working out?
FB: (wall-to-wall) Yeah, life's been good to me... I took up tennis and I joined the gym here at UofT. You're still in Halifax I see...
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Yeah, maybe I'll give you a call if I ever go to Toronto in the future.
FB: (wall-to-wall) Sure... I'd love to catch up!
A few weeks pass and X-G is pleasantly surprised to see that the high school boyfriend she broke up with so long ago now seems to be pretty cool. He's in law school, he has over 300 friends on Facebook, he's president of several clubs at UofT, he's had some articles published and he's looking, well, pretty buff, in his Facebook photos. And to think, she almost hadn't accepted him as her "friend"...
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Hey guess what?! I'm in Toronto right now! I'm at a Second Cup on Yonge Street. Surprise! So wanna meet?
FB: (wall-to-wall) oh wow! That's great! I'm a little busy this week. How long are you in town for?
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Actually I'm here for two weeks visiting my aunt. You must have some spare time to catch up in the next two weeks? I can meet you for dinner or something. It'll be fun!
FB: (wall-to-wall) Ok, how about tomorrow?
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Sure... just send me your address and I'll meet you at 5 tomorrow.
The next day, X-G shows up at FB's front door. "This can't be right," she thinks, "this is such a bad neighbourhood." She knocks on the door anyway...
FB: Oh hi Steph how's it going?
X-G: Hi.
X-G was expecting to see the buff looking version of her old high school boyfriend from the photos he'd posted on Facebook. Instead what stood before her was a balding, overweight, pasty version of her ex. His t-shirt had grey stains creeping out from under his arms and his stomach rested over the wasteband of his jeans.
FB: Nice to see you again.
X-G: You don't look anything like you do in your Facebook photos.
FB: Come on Steph. Everyone knows that you're only supposed to post the best pictures of yourself. Those photos were taken a year ago when I was working out everyday. Anyways, come on, I made reservations.
They walk to a nearby Italian restaurant.
X-G: Great, I'm starving.
FB: Hey Jake! Can we get some menus over here?
X-G: You come here often?
FB: Well, yeah I guess you could say that. I work here.
X-G: Oh. So you're a part-time waiter, like in-between classes and whatnot?
FB: Well, not exactly. I'm mostly just washing dishes right now, but they let me serve once in a while...
X-G: But you must not work much since you have to study and go to class all the time.
FB: Well, I'm not really going to classes so much lately. I was just sort of volunteering at UofT...
X-G: Volunteering as a student? Come on, what are you talking about? On Facebook-
FB: (cuts her off) Forget Facebook! Facebook isn't real! It's just a cybereality that people use in order to portray themselves a certain way so that everyone will think they are doing just great when the truth is... The truth is the real world sucks. Everyone just cultivates their Facebook profile to look like they are just fine and dandy, but come on Steph; UofT? Law? you didn't really think I was... You know what? Let's just go!
X-G: Wait a minute! Geez! Let's talk about this!
FB abruptly gets up from his seat, his large belly jerking the table upward as it catches the under-edge. He storms out of the restaurant, red in the face. X-G gets up and runs after him. They decide to go their separate ways.
Two weeks later, on Facebook, X-G considers removing FB from her list of friends. After a few moments she decides not to. Maybe it's out of pity, maybe she doesn't know why, but in any case, X-G decides that if Facebook is the only place for FB to perpetuate a fantasy cybereality, then she is not going to be the one to interfere.
FB: (on his ex-girlfriend, Stephanie's wall) Wow! Hey, how's it going Steph? Long time no see, eh?
X-G: (on FB's wall) Yeah, I know! It's looks like you are doing great! Law school?! And from your photos your condo looks awesome! Have you been working out?
FB: (wall-to-wall) Yeah, life's been good to me... I took up tennis and I joined the gym here at UofT. You're still in Halifax I see...
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Yeah, maybe I'll give you a call if I ever go to Toronto in the future.
FB: (wall-to-wall) Sure... I'd love to catch up!
A few weeks pass and X-G is pleasantly surprised to see that the high school boyfriend she broke up with so long ago now seems to be pretty cool. He's in law school, he has over 300 friends on Facebook, he's president of several clubs at UofT, he's had some articles published and he's looking, well, pretty buff, in his Facebook photos. And to think, she almost hadn't accepted him as her "friend"...
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Hey guess what?! I'm in Toronto right now! I'm at a Second Cup on Yonge Street. Surprise! So wanna meet?
FB: (wall-to-wall) oh wow! That's great! I'm a little busy this week. How long are you in town for?
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Actually I'm here for two weeks visiting my aunt. You must have some spare time to catch up in the next two weeks? I can meet you for dinner or something. It'll be fun!
FB: (wall-to-wall) Ok, how about tomorrow?
X-G: (wall-to-wall) Sure... just send me your address and I'll meet you at 5 tomorrow.
The next day, X-G shows up at FB's front door. "This can't be right," she thinks, "this is such a bad neighbourhood." She knocks on the door anyway...
FB: Oh hi Steph how's it going?
X-G: Hi.
X-G was expecting to see the buff looking version of her old high school boyfriend from the photos he'd posted on Facebook. Instead what stood before her was a balding, overweight, pasty version of her ex. His t-shirt had grey stains creeping out from under his arms and his stomach rested over the wasteband of his jeans.
FB: Nice to see you again.
X-G: You don't look anything like you do in your Facebook photos.
FB: Come on Steph. Everyone knows that you're only supposed to post the best pictures of yourself. Those photos were taken a year ago when I was working out everyday. Anyways, come on, I made reservations.
They walk to a nearby Italian restaurant.
X-G: Great, I'm starving.
FB: Hey Jake! Can we get some menus over here?
X-G: You come here often?
FB: Well, yeah I guess you could say that. I work here.
X-G: Oh. So you're a part-time waiter, like in-between classes and whatnot?
FB: Well, not exactly. I'm mostly just washing dishes right now, but they let me serve once in a while...
X-G: But you must not work much since you have to study and go to class all the time.
FB: Well, I'm not really going to classes so much lately. I was just sort of volunteering at UofT...
X-G: Volunteering as a student? Come on, what are you talking about? On Facebook-
FB: (cuts her off) Forget Facebook! Facebook isn't real! It's just a cybereality that people use in order to portray themselves a certain way so that everyone will think they are doing just great when the truth is... The truth is the real world sucks. Everyone just cultivates their Facebook profile to look like they are just fine and dandy, but come on Steph; UofT? Law? you didn't really think I was... You know what? Let's just go!
X-G: Wait a minute! Geez! Let's talk about this!
FB abruptly gets up from his seat, his large belly jerking the table upward as it catches the under-edge. He storms out of the restaurant, red in the face. X-G gets up and runs after him. They decide to go their separate ways.
Two weeks later, on Facebook, X-G considers removing FB from her list of friends. After a few moments she decides not to. Maybe it's out of pity, maybe she doesn't know why, but in any case, X-G decides that if Facebook is the only place for FB to perpetuate a fantasy cybereality, then she is not going to be the one to interfere.
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